i dont know what made me come back and look at this.

but i have no emotional connection to any of it right now, im not hurt about any of the things that i used to be or scared of the things i was scared of. there is a lack of caring on my part. maybe i would even call it numbness.

i have this theory that in the future everyone will be even more vain but loving of everyone. and it'll be like one big orgy with glitter and mirrors.

and everyone will be gay and there will be beautiful women and flamboyant men. and sex between a man and a woman will only be necessary to keep the human race alive.

adieu

i think im done with this for now.

a lot of what ive written on here were bad thoughts and feelings.
good memories, also!

but lots is changing, so i might as well change things here.

http://www.piale.tumblr.com/

i started this a while back but never really got it started.
this will be much lighter, i hope.
for i feel good times coming!

maybe i'll post here if i feel the need to....

god has a voice, she speaks through me

Sisters of the water,
absence of the fire.
Heal our illnesses.

--

Dis-moi ce que tu penses
De ma vie, de mon adolescence

Dis-moi ce que tu penses
Moi j'aime aussi l'amour et la violence

-Sebastien Tellier

im lost in tears in the mirror again

i wanna give you my milk.....

yes... all of my milk




lost in some playground....

In My Secret Life

currently reading:

READ THIS BOOK!

it's about love and time.

smother

feeling so unholy.....


how can it feel, this wrong

dirty thoughts.

"feast your eyes, i'm the only one
control me, console me
cause that's just how it should be done
oh, all your history's like fire from a busted gun
i show some love and respect
don't wanna get a life of regret"

my nightmares have changed. its a complete different thing.
i know exactly what it means.
is time turning around?
would we do the things we wanted if there was limited time?
if we knew how many hours we had left.

water gun

eddie came over today. he might be leaving in a week to camp pendleton.
its such a sad thing to see somebody with eddie's brilliance go off to the military.
he's such a good little boy. he has his demons, but hes nothing but a gentle soul.

i dont really feel comfortable with any other boy as much as eddie.

the events of june 14th

1. did not go to sleep at all, sleep is so useless to me!
2. yard sale:
-while trying to pounce on eddie, i slammed my head against the wall
- i was pulling grass and the grass cut me
-got free stuff! bracelet, book.
-raced eddie while i was on a bike, him on foot. he totally fucking beat me.... hes a marine.
-brenda's mom made us delicious food.
-no real success
3. heard an ice cream truck, so june rode kenneth's bike and i rode eddie's with him on the pegs looking for an ice cream truck. no success. but it was so much fucking fun.
4. punched eddie in the balls.
5. arm wrestled, i am so fucking weak. even june was better than me.
6.had an extreme water fight. we tag teamed and made eddie suck dick! why go to iraq when you can shoot us with water all day?
7. played dead with eddie, he smothered me a little too hard. and he sucked at playing dead. when i would uncover his face he would already be smiling, supposedly 'he had died with a smile on his face'
8. played barbies with j and e, and we turned it into some wet t-shirt contest/ strip club squirting the barbies with the water gun while playing lovegame by lady gaga in the background. it ended in an orgy.
9. ate leftover tiramisu

i havent had so much fun in such a long time.
i felt like i was a little kid again.
i havent felt that in a while.
:)

i feel my face sinking in. my collarbones stick out more and more.
i eat like a scavenger. piece of bread there, some carrots there. a rice cake here.
i hardly sleep. when i do i have nightmares and the 'sleep paralysis'.


maybe im having some sort of thoughts where in them day dreams are hallucinations. time doesnt exist in this zombie-state. im stuck in the past while in the present already knowing the future.
I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED!

my emotions are ocean waves.
there are so many games we are all playing.


where are you sunny days?
heaven knows how much i miss you...

yours, piale

surprise

last night was absolutely beautiful!

all the hard work payed off. keeping my mouth shut was the hardest.
june seemed happy, and that was what we had planned. there was disco balls that we made. there was balloons everywhere, streamers everywhere. luminaries/pom poms. confetti everywhere. bubbles. little christmas lights outside.


i drank drank drank. me and sarah were conjoined at the head and made fools of ourselves. it is what we do best. :) i dont really think i can act as much as a retard with anyone else.
i danced my heart out to animal collective and yyy's.
i broke a lamp.
i spilled wine.
the cops came.

terrible mess left over. a moderate hangover.
kenneth vacuumed/cleaned everything.
what a little sweetheart.

played basketball with june and her short ass little brother, in which he slaughtered our weak sauce asses. which made me realize i have excellent pain threshold, but i have no body strength. im some healthy malnourished weak vegetarian.

after times like these, i realize im extremely privileged. im very fortunate to have beautiful people surrounding me in my beautiful home.
i forget the darkness of life and become filled with light.
(yes, thats very free love, smoke lots of weed, green hippie shit. so what!)

im happy right now.

losing my religion

im thinking a lot of things over.
im really dissatisfied with a lot of things at the moment.

i dont like the people im around.
i dont like my job.
i dont like where im living.

these things are half true.

i need truthful and fun people.
i need a job that makes me happy.
i need to live somewhere completely new.

time for some serious thinking.

wish for open windows!

if i could just leave my body for the night

"if I could just leave my body for the night

then we could be dancing
no more missing you while I'm gone
then we could be dancing
and you'd smile and say, "I like this song"
and when our eyes will meet there
we will recognize nothing's wrong
and I wouldn't feel so selfish
i won't be this way very long

to hold you in time.."

"In the Flowers" Animal Collective Music Video from jeffrey cravath on Vimeo.

dancing to animal collective with someone you love is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
come and dance with me while listening to animal collective....

dont explain

"all my thoughts were real
they were so sincere
i was so completely yours"

there is a light and it never...

cloud watching:
in the clouds i see the red-headed devil hernan cortes with his pistol.
but theres no pillaging because hes too busy kissing an exotic bird.
thats feeds him regurgitated worm.
i have yet to cut my blond dead-ends.
as i have yet to throw out the overflowing cigarette buds in my ashtray.

PARK THAT CAR
DROP THAT PHONE
SLEEP ON THE FLOOR
DREAM ABOUT ME

a couple days ago i got a package that i made in 9th grade for myself 5 years later. its a little late. but in there was photos, some random ass shit. a letter from me, my mom and my best friend at the time. it seems as if a lot has changed, but the same thoughts are here.
a lot of things that are happening now, i predicted.
some feelings never leave. they just continue to grow.

and im very glad things went the way they did.
even though i never want to have anything to do with certain people,
they shaped the way things went and are now.
its all very cause and effect. karma. moving motion. pure energy.
now.... onto the next five years.
its a changing universe.

seems hard to work towards absolutely nothing.

angel

if every angel's terrible then why do you welcome them?


i have a crush on my medicine man....
he cures the sadness of my heart.

beautiful boy...
a devil's child with dove wings
angelic hoodlums and holy ones


all those beautiful boyz

tattoo of ships and tattoos of tears......

marlboro reds

i bought a pack of cigarettes.
marlboro reds. this was a stupid idea.
i cant stop smoking them. theyre disgusting but i fucking love it. i love them with food. with coffee. with music. i like smoking them while smoking herb. i like smoking them when im thinking. i like smoking before i sleep.

i found this beautiful photo of brenda from valentine's day.
we got really drunk off a bottle of vodka and some tequila and laughed our asses off.
i lit incense and brenda couldnt take the smoke and ran to the bathroom.
i took pictures and this is what happened.

my dreams have been beautifully heartbreaking.
i think thats the main reason i put off sleeping so well.
i hate sleeping because it leads to the dreams.
and the dreams are why im in this mess.
if i didnt have such a sad sad dreams maybe there wouldnt be these feelings.

im sincerly yours,
piale

i need to go buy a camera quick.
im going insane with all this routine. all this 9-5 shtick i have going on.
its bad for my body. its bad for my fucked up mind.

why do i feel like im missing some sign?

what do you

see when you

see inside of me

if i had a heart i could love you.
if i had a voice i would sing.

-fever ray

i was on to every play, i just wanted you

went dancing. saw people from different times.
i danced till i puked with a cold sweat running down my back.
guys wouldnt stop trying. 'no, thank you.'
the words that come of their mouths disgust me.
your hands disgust me. because they are not enough.
they are beautiful boyz, but they are nothing in blind eyes.
its sad how my thoughts work.
i know who is reading this at the moment.
and thats what keeps me from leaving playground dreams.

today is may 25th.
the sadness that runs through my mind two years later.
failing at stopping sadness is a mind going insane.
two years ago. right fucking now i kissed death lightly on the cheek.
i cant seem to remember my thoughts, i know everything was so strong though. every emotion, every action, every thought. every fucking word, music that was playing.
the shaking still hasnt left. i still wont fix it.
i wont fix it. i wont fix it. i wont fix it.
today is my brother's birthday.
i think if i were to write a book of my life right now that would be the title.
and i think only sarah song would get that title. :)

"for its such a lovely day to have to always feel this way."
wandering star -portishead

i feel so absent in some aspect. its not bad. i just dont know where my thought are.

dreams of apocalypses, the universe, my sister, you.
also been waking up paralyzed again. im starting to get the feel of it more.
it feels like child-like. like when a child throws a tantrum, that type of innocent intensity.

p.s. buffalo 66 is terribly beautiful. now go watch it.

note to self:


CREATE.

these days

june gave me a tarot reading.
shes good, has potential.

dropped water on my phone while painting.
phoneless as of now. im kind of excited about this.
some sort of isolation.

smoking. reading a good book. dreaming.
done with school on wednesday.

there is a beauty to life that is missing now.
im tired of my knowledge.
im tired of my jealousy.
im tired of my past.

siigghhh...

im extremely saddened that i have given up.
but its all i can do.

this is our last goodbye..

some scribble from a journal

toy soldier and rainbowarrior

the look in your eyes fills my lungs with icy cold stone floors, the burnt smell of match,
sweat dripping down the inside of a thigh.
i blow smoke into your eyes.
you grab my knee in an innocent attempt to spread my legs.
i feel your tempting thoughts as i pushed your shoulders away.

stop.

'can you tell me my future, my seer?'
the smell of tension is coming off your skin.
licking your palms to exhale your future.
i can taste your every move to come.

nostalgia is leaking out of your eyes.
lust is opening your arms.

and watching you put your shirt back on with that sad smile you smile so well,
was the saddest sight i have seen.
and now, ........
back to regular broadcasting

unconcious

im in a place of unconsciousness.
i dont know where my thoughts really are right now, in everything.
two weeks ago, i was a heartbroken mess. today i am numb?
a week ago, i was playing games with an old friend and today i could care less?
something is wrong with me. terribly wrong. but im glad its mostly internal.
im up all night writing in this simple black journal i bought last monday.
i sleep all day, with toulouse biting my feet and chewing at my dead flowers.
im not in the streets pulling my hair out, screaming, tearing my clothes off.
although i think that would be great fun to do ;)

hands down, im too proud for love

fuuuuuuuuucckkk.....

first. weekend. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i had four different cakes. i feel EXTREMELY LOVED.

i love my friends. i did know something was going on. i did see sarah's car and i did see the light go off before i came inside. but still! it made me happy.

i have this thing where on my birthday, i get really nostalgic and a bit gloomy. i try and hide it but its not something that can be easily hidden. but despite every bad thing, the moment when i took a shot with david right before blowing out my candles and 'go slowly' was playing in the background and my friends were singing me happy birthday in the dark, i thought, this is going to be one of those moments that flash back right before you die. (NOT AS CHEESY AS IT SOUNDS) one of the nicest things my friends have ever done for me. i felt really grown-up. but it wasnt bad! it was peaceful.

"when im at the pearly gates, this will be on my videotape."

and i got a wise word from a friend. when i hear the words come from everyone else, they usually dont mean a thing to me. i continue with my stupid mistake of holding on to the last pieces of hope floating on the surface of the blood being pumped into my heart. this friend, though. hearing it from him something just clicked into place. thank you, victor.

things feel different. this is my last chance to things right.
im going to take action, im done with waiting for actions.
and i think i might stop blogging. we'll see.

and today. fuuuuuckkkk.
reunited with a good ole friend today.
its strange how no matter much we change, the energy between two resurfaces.
its very strange the things sex and lust can do to a person. be careful, we can become possessed.
air can be filled to the brim with sexual energy.
damn.
more on this business later....

aborting the bizzaro ghosts of my soul

i had a dream about three future abortions this afternoon.
and a couple days earlier i had a dream of a psychic by the ocean and he told me things.
had the sleep paralysis today, except i didnt freak out but i had this extreme pain inside my skull. today it felt very young. child-like.

p.s. crying over the fact that in less than 24 hours i will be 20.




"Wild willow, windy winter won't you blow through me
My whole eternity"
cocorosie - animals

dreading 20

amanda palmer would be an early taurus too.

oh 20.
you are here much too soon.
dont get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting older. its life, its natural.
but i think it is a terribly sad thought to know that i will NEVER EVER in this life again be a teenager.its done and over with. like i said, nothing wrong with that. but its a little sad, no?

sigh.



melancholy dreams, lately. but they are mere dreams, that is all.

sharpen my body like a pen

i feel fucking weird.
im getting sick again.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
lets just not hope its as serious as i think it is.

i fell in love today with a business man today. he is a terrible angel with tattoos painted on his bare shoulders.
bathing in his stupidity with such beautifully sad eyes.
when his hands opened to me, smoke coughed out of my lungs. and thats all i need to love this man sincerely.
today i fell in love with a bad bad man.
say you like it. say you need it,
when you dont.

"raphael, you know just how to take me in the swimming pool like a child being baptized." -cocorosie

last night made me just want to dance forever.
i want to constantly be moving to sound.
to thoughts. to love. to youth.

and you move like shadows in the dark....

I want to make love to my sickness.
They want to fuck the last bits of my spirit.

I don't have a fucking name!
Stop asking me!

Apres moi le deluge.


tonight was insanity.
i need to think a lot over.
and sleep.....

"and then i had to climb down.
i went down to see the sun rise."
-the knife
(i swear all i could do is quote the knife.... sigh. one good fucking band.)

the sun is changing its color...

too much sunlight today.
and i was inside for most of the day. thats telling you something. global warming perhaps?
before we know it, we'll all be running around like blind sheep dying of thirst.


ive been feeling awfully guilty lately.
the Earth is going to finally kill the fungus.
so really, i should be feeling bad for us.
we'll soon be gone. which isnt a good thing for us.
but i think id rather sacrifice the human race in order for everything else to survive.

420

4:20

today was a strange mess. i had only 3 hours of sleep.
did not go to my spanish class. :|
instead drove to some random parking lot with andrea where we caught up after not seeing each other for what seemed like forever! and we did the usual amount of uncontrollable laughter and weirdness in which we speak our own language. and talk about certain virgins. and invent things like glitter sex.


went to magic, witchcraft, religion and had a series of revelations. as usual.
then picked up the timid charmer mr. anthony from his shitty little school. barf. and then we went to Venice Beach! it was absolutely beautifully fun.

there was all these strange people. everybody was so fucking unique, it was strange. there was of course, creepy men. a bunch of homeless people. there was this beautiful hippie little family that was selling jewelry. so much.


we went down to the beach and took off our shoes. sidenote: i shaved my leg only above my boots, last minute. so i had extremely hairy ankles. we played in the water.

i dont know why. it might be because of my magic, witchcraft, religion class or my sudden fear of floods and tsunamis and what not; i suddenly feel more aware of the beach. more of a connection of something. my god, i cant remember the last time i went to the beach before that. eeek.


we played with the sand. i made a whole city with suburbs. and pyramids with irrigation farms on the side. june made a face.
then me and anthony got into this nasty sea water fight. i, of course WON.
and i saw what im starting to think is my power animal. a crow on the beach. crows pop up in random places with me. its really strange.

anthony's hairy legs! whoa, i just got a flashback to 9th grade when i first met anthony and remember noticing then that he had really hairy legs.



and i got my palm read my this little old chinese man. he told me past, presemt, future. it was really freaky how spot the past and present were. he mentioned my job. ugh.
also, late in life i will travel a great deal. something about how i cant stay in the same place for too long. (fuck, aint that the damn truth.)
he also said that i would do good in business. umm... no thanks.but that i will suceed in my work with creativity. but not financially stable until later in life. i'll achieve real success with my art in my 40's.
in the next few months something very good is going to happen. :)
i will have 1 or 2 kids. and i guess i already know the person im going to marry. and that it'll be a marriage that will last forever and grow with age. ummm.......


happy 420...

How my Tears Made love to You

tonight is my last night of smoking. and it is now 5 in the morning and i dont want to go to bed. i want to finish this bowl and have time stop. and im watching god has a voice, she speaks through me. cocorosie really scares me sometimes when i really put together their art. that music video and its meaning take me somewhere else.

my poor hair. its a limp straight smelly fucking mess. its needs a good wash on a warm day...... i so bad want to let it be.
oh the insecurities of a mestizo who looks straight up mulatto.

if i blogged about whats going through my mind right now, i think i'd scare myself. my thoughts are in a strange place of isolation.i am living in fear. and i surrounded by the fears of everyone. basic instincts are kicking in.

fuck! its daylight outside now.




if i was a bird......


and then there is this band.
this past week, the knife has been so appropiate for everything right now.
in absolutely every aspect.
theyre this brother and sister who write about hermaphrodites, wearing masks, pornography, giving head with the lights on is artistic, the brief recollection of a rape..... EXTREMELY DISTURBING. but sooo beautiful.



and my painting... its just fucking sitting there.
its starting to drive me crazy just like the other one.
well, like all of them actually.....

To miss the taste of you in my mouth.
You taught me not to breath.
Its been four years since I sold my soul for your wisdom.
Tonight I'm burning the sheets where we lay.

Avoid touching other's mysteries.
Away the opposite man.
Acting the other, madly.
Ask to open my...


It's time to:

- get a job.
- really lose some sleep.
- stop smoking.
- wash my hair.
- start worrying about things that actually matter.
- save the money I have

The floods are still coming, and I'm losing a dear friend in the meantime.
Until we meet again, sweet Atom.

jobless

i got laid off today.





fuck.

"to cry for hands above to lean on,
wouldnt be good enough for me...."
-the knife

the events of yesterday

the corpse of amanda palmer was performing in some shady east la warehouse secretly.
i went along with 49 other people and it was just beautiful.
i sat on a carpet with her at some point while she played ukulele.
then listened to her get interviewed while she ate a pb&j sandwich. fuck, she is just too cool.

afterwards we visited my beloved sarah song at the mochi store in downtown.
and she fed me all kinds of wondrous mochi ice creams.

then i went to my grandma's for her birthday.
i ate more there.
then got all these crazy stomach pains.
i think i ate too much.
came home, went straight to bed.

woke up at 2 and threw up everything!!!!!
brushed my teeth, drank water and went back to bed.
woke up at 4, threw up all the water!

so i sat in bed, feeling like a lonely little piece of shit.
:(

paint stains on my heart

last night i fell asleep painting.
its been a while.
i really like this one...

"When the spark goes out of you,
it grows ten times bigger in me.
I am your lung..."
-the knife

lets fix this...

i just woke up from a very strange and complex strange dream.

it was very 6 feet under themed. i really dont understand it all.
its kind of funny that i would dream about 6 feet under like that,
and kind of geeky at the same time.
i dont think this will really make sense to anyone but me.... and june.

so.i guess it was a mixture between me being myself and me being nate/ being WITH nate.
and we were at some at some creepy park trying to run from these computer fixing guys who were these like totalitarians and wanted us to fix our laptop (which my laptop really is broken but ive been putting it off for so long).
so in result of that, the usual bad things kept happening to nate. :( so sad.
and then i took some nap.
and then i became nate i guess and the whole time silently i was thinking about brenda.
im guessing this it during the time that they were broken up and he was with lisa. (wait, was i lisa in the dream?! so confused!)
i finally decided that to make the bad things stop happening i would finally fix my laptop.
so i was gonna meet the totalitarian computer-fixers at some underground bar.
i guess i knew the bartender, and he started talking to me about brenda.
how he didnt know why we werent together even though we belonged together, and he kept saying why should people who have that strength of love stay away from each other just because shit is fucked up.
so i guess that made me/nate incredibly tired of the mess he was in.
then the computer guys came in and they started singing some song.
like 'its time to start fixing it! lets fix everything. youve got to fix it. lets fix it.'

FUCKING WEIRD.
maybe i need to fix something?
my laptop perhaps, because it is freaking the fuck out right now.

im lying. i know what this dream really means.....

brenda brought us a HUMONGOUS bag of salad.
and im talking about fucking huge!
ive never seen a bag of salad this big.
thats all ive eaten the past 24 hours. :)


i've grown to realize that the only way to have any real relationship with ANY human being is to just have some fucking truth. if you honestly value something, you stand up for it. you dont bottle feelings. you speak some fucking truth.
how will people learn to understand if we're not heard?
i am honest. and i expect honesty.

"It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults.
So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him,
and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship."

-henry ward beecher

self-realization. if only i could follow through and be honest with you too.

"And all I loved, I loved alone." -Poe

the view from where i'm sitting.
there is some beautiful lighting in my living room at night.

the nightmares continue! no big news. its becoming a habit now.
this time, i panicked at first. but then i just kind of let it happen.
its was terrifying and beautiful and haunting.

to describe it physically,
it feels like some ghost of a past life is clinging onto my body.

perhaps there is some haunting lover from a past life loving me sweetly in my nightmares.

"But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we- 
Of many far wiser than we- 
And neither the angels in heaven above,
 Nor the demons down under the sea, 
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee."

spring break! that means late nights smoking weed.
with little Toulouse running around, jumping up on the fridge or climbing the chimney.
yes, i have a talented little pussy. ;)
you should come over and smoke with me.


p.s. patience, little shadow....
(the new yeah yeah yeahs cd is full of love sick songs. go listen to it. i am.)

i re-read through my blogs from a while back.

im fucking crazy.
i dont know why im like this.
i dont like it.

what lips my lips have kissed

"What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply;
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands a lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet know its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more."

Edna St. Vincent Millay

the witch riding my back

so ive been doing some research about these nightmares.

its called sleep paralysis.
and its been related to narcolepsy and insomnia.
my insomnia is starting to affect a lot.
i have these terrible bags under my eyes.
im constantly getting sick.

it has something to do with the temporal lobe. blah blah blah.
its freaking me out, because they make it sound so simple.
when its actually not. its not just science.
i cant explain it.

i dont know. i'll talk to Novotny about it.

here's a photo of a very beautiful man.



p.s. its so sad, i either dream of you or have terrible nightmares.
what will i do?

radio cure

stephanie-why do you do this to me?what have i done to to you? tell me, what you want me to do?!
stephane-i dont know... maybe touch my hair a little.
stephanie-i cant do that.....why me?!
stephane-because everyone else is boring, because youre different.... you dont like me, stephanie.


my nightmares are getting worse.
at work, i was having one of them. and i started whimpering and couldnt move but my eyes were open.
and it really freaked out my boss.
i dont know what this means. its really scaring me.

everything about today was great.
amd tonight was hilarious.
i love for nights like these.

photos of the handsome, sexy and talented mr. anthony!







dayyyuuuuummmm.................

she's lost control again...

i havent slept in the past 24 hours.
its been surreal and random.

somewhere in all this me and june decided to do some soort of photoshoot and it turned into hundreds of pictures.
I REALLY NEED NEW SUBJECTS....
june is a great model and everything, but i need more!

here's photos.









it cant be.. it cant be.
my mind is playing tricks on me.

:(

give me the words that tell me everything.

with me

now how i remember you...

good day....

took photos of some of the stuff me and june are putting up on etsy. i also plan on getting some prints done so i can possibly start making some extra change. nothing feels better than smoking a bowl, eating my fake chicken and an orange. orange chicken? no. i took a picture of my cat masturbating. its really funny. would it be invading his privacy if i post it? let me figure that out, first. and then i'll post it.

im in some strange slumber that feels like dreaming, and i start sensing whats going to happen. and my eyesight is better but my memory is shit.

you wouldnt believe the things im doing that are so good for me. and you wouldnt believe the things i do from keeping myself from completely falling apart. must i always be this way?
must i always have these feelings?
my mind is fucking with itself.
BLAH.

heres two of my scarves.




heartbroken, i've been for you...