i like it soft, i like it wet

i got a roomate offer. :)
well i have two already. but this one is a little bit more legit and realistic.
still not right though. :\

its raining!!!!
i miss it up north, when it rains. :[

i miss climbing the hill out of fucking breath, my chest killing me cus i smoke too many djarums. im going to go into the details of the hill, because i miss it so much. the first time i ever climbed the hill was stoned out of my mind. lets not mention with who...bitch. seriously, i wanted to fucking cry at how beautiful it was. sorry to use this term, but breathtaking. it couldve been the thc. and it was muddy. so muddy i got stuck in it. and i almost peed in my pants dying of laughter.i remember taking sarah up there and she was really drunk, unfortunately i was just bummed that i got my glasses jacked that day. and we talked about interpol, boys, and THAT DAY. seriously, sarah before you said it i already knew because it was apart of me too. we stayed up there for like 4 hours smoking, freezing our asses off looking at the bay, city lights and cemetery. METAPHORICAL, UP THE ASS. sarah peed up there. haha. homegirl was drunk as hell that night. i was weirdly sober. i remember going up there a lot during the sunsets and thinking about home. i remember going up there with caro and ivan. like one in the morning. and we saw this freakish thing in the grass. (the grass was fucking long since it was spring.) and we freaked out and ivan had to drag caro up there while me and sarah were dying of laughter. there was this period where me shauny and sarah were trying to lose weight so we were dieting and exercising. and we decided to run up the hill one night. and we almost died of heart attacks.and the pictures we used to take up there .that one time the fire alarm went off so we said fuck it and tried to look for the eclipse. it was too cloudy. going up there with the boys to get to the creepy walrus experiment place. smoking up there with random people from the 4th floor, while a cop was down the hill watching us. finding a blunt up there. burying that scary ass ouija board. thinking about people.

that guy from santa barbara keeps calling me..... sorry. i dont know whats wrong with me.


all this business is wearing me down.
bleggggh. i need a drink.

im your biggest fan. i'll follow you until you love, pa-pa pa-parazzi!

Last night was hilarious.
Andrea drove off the road on the freeway on accident.
(I've decided that in my blog, anytime interesting happens in andrea's driving, I'm documenting it.)
Also we spent a long portion of the night being bored and driving around. Then good stuff happened, andrea got very srs bsns, I freaked out. Dropped her ipod under my seat, tried looking for it while shit was going down. And then the most awesome thing happened!!!!!!
I found my eygptian musk oil!!!! The one that I bought at the lotus festival. And lost on that very scary full moon. I was dying looking for it.

Today's my sister's birthday.
She was born on thanksgiving day.She turns three today. I bought her a big ass dog teddy bear. :)

P.s. I have a serious shopping problem.

im so fucking pissed. here i am. putting pictures up on my walls. and i keep smelling dirty diapers.
and i find my pants from yesterday and they are the main source.
i know one of those little shitheads wiped their poop on my pants.
now its all over my fucking carpet and here i am. two in the morning spraying anything i can get my hands on to neutralize the germs and odors.
...sdfkjs;dlkfjasdklfjasl;dkfj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

besides that, ive been having these really vivid dreams.
like last night, i had this dream that i was with someone (i forgot who) and we we at this rocky cliff and they told me to jump into the ocean. and then this huge whale appeared and swallowed me whole. but then i had to do these weird flotation moves. and it would make the whale flip inside out but it kept happening. where i had to keep being swallowed by the whale and then i would do the floating dancing moves in its stomach and then it would magically fold inside out but like paper.
and then i had this dream at work, that i was driving with a bunch of people, i cant really remember who but they were people close to me and people from irvine. including AHEM. you know who andrea.(barf). and i was wearing a skirt with no underwear.(weird.yes) and andrea was driving. and i noticed that i didnt have underwear on so i announced it. and then everybody was like what the fuck? and andrea was like "psh! who hasnt NOT worn underwear in a car before?" hahah. weirdest fucking dream ever.

oh and by the way.
enough.now.unamed.junior.
i used to respect you so much. same level of thoughts and everything.
now ive realized youre just a fucking idiot.
YOU ARE NOT A BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE SNOWFLAKE.
im glad i moved up north. im glad we both changed.

a lot of scary things happened today.

1. saw that creepy guy again at a very different time, and this time he did not get off another bus but came from my side of the street....with a bike. :|
2. at work, i was talking to my boss and then she stopped in mid-sentence looking out the window. there was some teenager standing in the middle of the street staring at me through the window.

i dont know whats wrong with me.

oh....i am now officially looking for a roomate.
i need to move out and am being hinted to move out. im kind of going crazy.
reasons why i need to move out:
1. im going a little crazy
2. i need to fall back into my ways: painting, smoking weed, reading, just plain making cute useless things to decorate my surroundings. living here kind of puts that on hold
3. i dont want to be 23 and still live at home.
4. ever since i came to live back home, it doesnt feel like home
5. downey is a shit-hole full of losers and yes on 8 signs.
6. i would like to live with someone who would smoke with me, listen to music with me and wouldnt mind my herbs, oils and incense. ( sarah was this person for a while. but every time she smoked she would always blow chunks....literally.)
7. i have no space for my things. (bookcases FULL of books. records, a lot. record player. glass bottles with dried flowers stuck in them. a trunk. a lot of artwork. useless stuff i dont need, typewriter, suitcases, guitar, board games??trophies? clothes......)

no one is right...... story of my life!!!!


oh. one more thing. i think my friends are starting to not like me.
and im talking about several groups of friends. (my groups of friends are severely separated, and with reason. none of them would really work out.)
nobody calls anymore.
im tired of being the one to say let's hang out.
(this does not apply to david and andrea) <3 those bitches always want to hang out.

hopeless romantic

Ugh. That fucking creep from the bus who freaked out on me and then spit at me was on the bus again. This time he had no balls.maybe it was my purple pants...or my afro.

Last night I saw zack and miri make a porno. Two things.
1. Fucking hilarious!
2. Fucking romantic!
I highly reccomend.

Philosophy today. Sigh. My teacher makes me melt.

Andrea and I had a discussion over seth rogen and russel brand. She would rather have sex with russel brand then seth rogen. I HIGHLY disagree. Then she called me a chubby-chaser. >:|
Sorry that I'm not shallow and fall in love with every beautiful person.

tie my right hand to the bible

i had a dream last night.
it was the future and the end was here.
and you had children, and i still thought i loved you.
when will i ever learn?

fuck komodo dragons taking over the world.
but hai to sexy princes from antarctica saving the world.


my wisdom tooth keeps giving me really bad nightmares.
the skin is breaking..... finally.
im so tired. another crazy night......


im so bored with everything. im just ready for the next mistake i make.

im drunk on pain right now. :/
fuck wisdom teeth.

i havent posted in a while. its kind of been a crazy weekend.
well. i guess i should start at the beginning
and im not going to go into too much detail of some of the things that happened.
better left unsaid.

friday.
me and david were really bored and decided we were going to go on sunset and go look for hot guys. hahah, yes. that is what we do. then i got this crazy idea where i was like "hey, we should go back to the hood and show each other where we used to live back in the day." so david was down, and we went down firestone back to huntington park. and all these memories came flashing back. salt lake city park. st mathias. miles elementary, gage bowl. my nina and nino's house. HIS house. the twins house. we even drove by my grandparent's house which was very creepy of us because they do still live there. :| i dont know why we did it. and we ended up getting really depressed. i dont know. i had this weird epiphany that i thought those days were never going to end. i loved that routine. things were simple. and here i am a completely different person. i became who i wanted to be, and still very unsatisfied.
well when we saw gage bowl we were like hey lets go bowling there. but i didnt have socks so then we had to go all the way back home. then david told me something verrrrrrrry upsetting. not the subject just that he hadnt told me earlier. then he told me it was a lie. i dont believe him.
got socks. then went bowling in downey. we spent 44 dollars on cosmic bowling.... we were in the moment.
i really suck. ill have moments where i'm freaking awesome and then some where theyll go straight to the gutter. they played a lot of doors. and all the lights made me want to smoke.

saturday.
woke up soooooo sore. and tired. had to go to this child care safety class in order to get certified.
went to the movies with david. (it was a david filled weekend) he fell asleep so i stole his glasses and saw the movie crisp and clear. watched umm.....ghost town, good movie. well written.
my wisdom tooth is growing in...... and cutting into my flesh.
now i know why babies cant stop crying when theyre teething.

sunday.
had cpr in the morning.im now certified and protected by good samaritan law to save a life. which btw, do you know that in order to do cpr you have to remove all upper clothing. including bras.on the person you are performing cpr. awkward!
we decided to go somewhere. and of course, things happened.
i almost had a heart attack. it always does when david comes home. what a lucky charm. <3 got into a fight with david... it happens. got this crazy idea to go get THE poster at wal-mart. had a rat race through wal-mart. david pulled my beret off exposing my messy hair. andrea dropped and cracked her phone. in the end.... there was no poster. all i had was chest pain and sexual frustration for a rolling stone cover.

monday.
cleaned my room. burned sage and incense. clear out all bad energy. decided to pull an ultimate misson of bowling and stuff. and milkshakes. lost at bowling. saw a papa j look-a-like. seriously wouldve gone to a bathroom and tapped that. dont ask. andrea said he looked nothing like him...whatever! stuff kinda happened. nothing too big. saw a certain photographer. how i would kill for his job! fuck little trees that people put in front of their house. andrea crashed her car. hahahaha.

today.
had a really weird nightmare. i was at some party. and the usual happened where i cant control myself. except this time was too much. and that same feeling came back. maybe its my tooth giving me the bad nightmares.

heres some pictures.

my mom painted the bathroom this pretty color:

we were trying to pretend to sleep....it didnt really work out.

this is hilarious.

i caught her drinking out of the toilet bowl.

ive been really itchy today. and so was my boss. we're thinking its those coffee drinks we got from mcdonalds. :\
today at work, i had to lay down with one of the little girls cus she wouldnt go to sleep so i asked her if she wanted me to sing, so i sang true love waits by of course radiohead. and she fell asleep. :]
that is why i love my job.

so ive been doing a lot more reading on my wiccan stuff. i've found this nifty little shop in the LBC and this cool black chick runs it and calls me her little witchling. :D and ive bought some incense and protection soap and Egyptian musk oil(anyone whos knows me knows thats my scent) and ive bought a book on herbs and am starting to figure out what certain herbs do and what not. theres this one herb called aconite, and a grain of the root could kill a bird within seconds. and if you touched this plant, your skin would burn throughout the day. its crazy how all these herbs can do so much for us. good and bad. and somehow theyre manipulated and squeezed into tiny little pills to make us feel better.when you can actually make oils, teas and ointments or just plain smoke them.
i'll stick to my little hippie herbs. thank you very much.
being an herbalist is actually illegal.

anyway. off with david!!!

i dont know if this is just one of my moments of paranoia .
but i have a very bad feeling about the coming years.
obama is the best and worst thing that could happen at the moment.




i dont know.
im just getting really bad vibes at the moment.

HISTORY.


i cant wait to tell my grandkids.

Intense shit waiting to see results. They could pull a florida on us and tell us they need to recount votes and then there you go, mccain is our president.
And then there's the props.
Ugh.. Nerve racking.

fuck! i wrote this long ass blog about the whole weekend.

i wrote it on the greyhound buzzed, looking out at the ocean. beautiful ass coastline.


maybe i'll go into detail later.....doubt it.
all i can say is craziest weekend of my life.....ever. and i mean that sincerely.

already voted. although shit is getting crazy. when i got back, we decided to go to olvera st. we forgot it was dia de los muertos. we get there, and theres all these crazy conservatives with their yellow ass yes on prop 8 signs. and there was a bunch of hispanic people yelling back at them. it was intense. i was about to join in but my mom got really serious and told me not to.
i was fine with that, since in santa barbara i had already gotten into plenty of fights with white conservative college students about prop 8.