so effing tired.


all of a sudden i feel like i am constantly keeping busy. for example.
this is my schedule this week....

monday-school ALL FUCKING DAY. 11-9
tuesday-first day of work (hella smelly diapers but cute kids)
wednesday-school, cut copy @ carson daly and perhaps, Club Moscow
thursday-fucking homework, get piercing changed,go lurking if david comes home.
friday- work. hella early. fucking 8-5 but then i get paid, and then SRS BSNS up in the TL!!!
saturday-sleepover in the hood!
sunday- homework,homework,homework....

the most depressing song on the planet.

if i ever try and kill myself, it will be to this song.

can't you feel the knife?

i just felt the quick need to blog.

went to postsecret on tuesday with sarah. it was sooooo good. i almost broke into tears like 5 times. and i was counting. i saw a bunch of people crying. frank warren is a really great and humble man. his main cause is helping the suicide hotline. he pointed out this weird fact that about 150 people in the room (there was like 500 at least.) he pointed out that at least 150 people in the room had attempted suicide and that they could be sitting right next to you and you wouldnt even know it.

this is my favorite one, he showed it too. :)

have'nt gone lurking, i think ive kicked the habit but it doesnt mean i wouldnt start up again.
and oh, i'm going to.

oh. and i think i have a problem with addictions. or maybe some sort of compulsiveness about me. like i have to finish things. An example, its 4 in the morning and i effing stayed up playing solitaire because i HAD to win. or else i wouldnt feel right. or lets say i drop something... it will bug me to insanity. or when i go to bed, i have to do certain things with my mind. like think about the end of the world, or do this weird shrinking things that i've done since i was little.
ugh......

"i'm fucked up." - cassie

i'm fucking bored shitless right now.


my room is getting better and better!!!
now i have a desk and im getting some sort of shelf tommorrow.
like this:

except like hella smaller.
its like 3 by 3.














so the world might possibly end in a month.
and that might be a bit problematic since:

1. i have never had a job
2. ive never been in a real relationship (more like things where it wasnt called a relationship but it was some hella awkward shit where everyone knew something was going on, serious business... you get the idea)
3. i've never given birth, which i would like to see a pregnant me. just to see if i'd have that whole cute glowing thing pregnant women have (id most likely get really wide and fat looking :\
4.i've never fallen in love :( (not really sure about this one)
5. i want to see if when im an old ass lady, if i look like my grandma because her mestizo heritage is all up in her looks and i want to look hella aztec when im older too!!!
6. i'd never have my own place

oh, i donno. ive done A LOT of things. but theres still so much more left.

i still need to blog about an embarrassing incident of JOBRO's filled weekend.
oh, its fucking horrendous and fantastic.
i'll just come out and say it.

my guilty pleasure is cute boys with purity rings who play really bad music.

pre-blog......

I WILL NOT GET FUCKED UP TONIGHT!



let you know what happens.

ugh. monday night was supposed to be about gossip girl.
but then it turned into a drinking game which was 'take a shot every time someone kisses'
and honey,.... there was a lot of kissing and then it turned into 'fuck it! lets just drink more!' so i kept drinking with these strangers (andrea's friends.) next thing i know, we're at my house and i guess i forgot my keys in irvine?

so we had to drive back, SORRY ANDREA!!!
and i ask her why i have stains on my shirt and i guess we went to taco bell.
and i ask her why it smells like vomit and i guess i threw up...twice.
and i guess to keep me awake we were blasting jonas brothers and i knew the lyrics.
i was all into that shit supposedly.

ugh. well all i know is that i woke up feeling so fucking sick. so i ate some carrots and then drank some water. and then went to the bathroom and threw up out of my mouth and nose. (thats the only thing im proud of about this event.)

NEVER AGAIN. i said that about santa barbara.