i was on to every play, i just wanted you

went dancing. saw people from different times.
i danced till i puked with a cold sweat running down my back.
guys wouldnt stop trying. 'no, thank you.'
the words that come of their mouths disgust me.
your hands disgust me. because they are not enough.
they are beautiful boyz, but they are nothing in blind eyes.
its sad how my thoughts work.
i know who is reading this at the moment.
and thats what keeps me from leaving playground dreams.

today is may 25th.
the sadness that runs through my mind two years later.
failing at stopping sadness is a mind going insane.
two years ago. right fucking now i kissed death lightly on the cheek.
i cant seem to remember my thoughts, i know everything was so strong though. every emotion, every action, every thought. every fucking word, music that was playing.
the shaking still hasnt left. i still wont fix it.
i wont fix it. i wont fix it. i wont fix it.
today is my brother's birthday.
i think if i were to write a book of my life right now that would be the title.
and i think only sarah song would get that title. :)

"for its such a lovely day to have to always feel this way."
wandering star -portishead

i feel so absent in some aspect. its not bad. i just dont know where my thought are.

dreams of apocalypses, the universe, my sister, you.
also been waking up paralyzed again. im starting to get the feel of it more.
it feels like child-like. like when a child throws a tantrum, that type of innocent intensity.

p.s. buffalo 66 is terribly beautiful. now go watch it.