fuuuuuuuuucckkk.....
first. weekend. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i had four different cakes. i feel EXTREMELY LOVED.
i love my friends. i did know something was going on. i did see sarah's car and i did see the light go off before i came inside. but still! it made me happy.
i have this thing where on my birthday, i get really nostalgic and a bit gloomy. i try and hide it but its not something that can be easily hidden. but despite every bad thing, the moment when i took a shot with david right before blowing out my candles and 'go slowly' was playing in the background and my friends were singing me happy birthday in the dark, i thought, this is going to be one of those moments that flash back right before you die. (NOT AS CHEESY AS IT SOUNDS) one of the nicest things my friends have ever done for me. i felt really grown-up. but it wasnt bad! it was peaceful.
"when im at the pearly gates, this will be on my videotape."
and i got a wise word from a friend. when i hear the words come from everyone else, they usually dont mean a thing to me. i continue with my stupid mistake of holding on to the last pieces of hope floating on the surface of the blood being pumped into my heart. this friend, though. hearing it from him something just clicked into place. thank you, victor.
things feel different. this is my last chance to things right.
im going to take action, im done with waiting for actions.
and i think i might stop blogging. we'll see.
and today. fuuuuuckkkk.
reunited with a good ole friend today.
its strange how no matter much we change, the energy between two resurfaces.
its very strange the things sex and lust can do to a person. be careful, we can become possessed.
air can be filled to the brim with sexual energy.
damn.
more on this business later....
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