READ THIS BOOK!
it's about love and time.
it's about love and time.
15 years ago
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
dirty thoughts.
"feast your eyes, i'm the only onecontrol me, console me
cause that's just how it should be done
oh, all your history's like fire from a busted gun
i show some love and respect
don't wanna get a life of regret"
my nightmares have changed. its a complete different thing.
i know exactly what it means.
is time turning around?
would we do the things we wanted if there was limited time?
if we knew how many hours we had left.
i know exactly what it means.
is time turning around?
would we do the things we wanted if there was limited time?
if we knew how many hours we had left.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
water gun
eddie came over today. he might be leaving in a week to camp pendleton.
its such a sad thing to see somebody with eddie's brilliance go off to the military.
he's such a good little boy. he has his demons, but hes nothing but a gentle soul.
its such a sad thing to see somebody with eddie's brilliance go off to the military.
he's such a good little boy. he has his demons, but hes nothing but a gentle soul.
i dont really feel comfortable with any other boy as much as eddie.
the events of june 14th
the events of june 14th
1. did not go to sleep at all, sleep is so useless to me!
2. yard sale:
-while trying to pounce on eddie, i slammed my head against the wall
- i was pulling grass and the grass cut me
-got free stuff! bracelet, book.
-raced eddie while i was on a bike, him on foot. he totally fucking beat me.... hes a marine.
-brenda's mom made us delicious food.
-no real success
3. heard an ice cream truck, so june rode kenneth's bike and i rode eddie's with him on the pegs looking for an ice cream truck. no success. but it was so much fucking fun.
4. punched eddie in the balls.
5. arm wrestled, i am so fucking weak. even june was better than me.
6.had an extreme water fight. we tag teamed and made eddie suck dick! why go to iraq when you can shoot us with water all day?
7. played dead with eddie, he smothered me a little too hard. and he sucked at playing dead. when i would uncover his face he would already be smiling, supposedly 'he had died with a smile on his face'
8. played barbies with j and e, and we turned it into some wet t-shirt contest/ strip club squirting the barbies with the water gun while playing lovegame by lady gaga in the background. it ended in an orgy.
9. ate leftover tiramisu
i havent had so much fun in such a long time.
i felt like i was a little kid again.
i havent felt that in a while.
:)
2. yard sale:
-while trying to pounce on eddie, i slammed my head against the wall
- i was pulling grass and the grass cut me
-got free stuff! bracelet, book.
-raced eddie while i was on a bike, him on foot. he totally fucking beat me.... hes a marine.
-brenda's mom made us delicious food.
-no real success
3. heard an ice cream truck, so june rode kenneth's bike and i rode eddie's with him on the pegs looking for an ice cream truck. no success. but it was so much fucking fun.
4. punched eddie in the balls.
5. arm wrestled, i am so fucking weak. even june was better than me.
6.had an extreme water fight. we tag teamed and made eddie suck dick! why go to iraq when you can shoot us with water all day?
7. played dead with eddie, he smothered me a little too hard. and he sucked at playing dead. when i would uncover his face he would already be smiling, supposedly 'he had died with a smile on his face'
8. played barbies with j and e, and we turned it into some wet t-shirt contest/ strip club squirting the barbies with the water gun while playing lovegame by lady gaga in the background. it ended in an orgy.
9. ate leftover tiramisu
i havent had so much fun in such a long time.
i felt like i was a little kid again.
i havent felt that in a while.
:)
i feel my face sinking in. my collarbones stick out more and more.
i eat like a scavenger. piece of bread there, some carrots there. a rice cake here.
i hardly sleep. when i do i have nightmares and the 'sleep paralysis'.
maybe im having some sort of thoughts where in them day dreams are hallucinations. time doesnt exist in this zombie-state. im stuck in the past while in the present already knowing the future.
I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED!
my emotions are ocean waves.
there are so many games we are all playing.
where are you sunny days?
heaven knows how much i miss you...
i eat like a scavenger. piece of bread there, some carrots there. a rice cake here.
i hardly sleep. when i do i have nightmares and the 'sleep paralysis'.
maybe im having some sort of thoughts where in them day dreams are hallucinations. time doesnt exist in this zombie-state. im stuck in the past while in the present already knowing the future.
I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED!
my emotions are ocean waves.
there are so many games we are all playing.
where are you sunny days?
heaven knows how much i miss you...
yours, piale
surprise
last night was absolutely beautiful!
all the hard work payed off. keeping my mouth shut was the hardest.
june seemed happy, and that was what we had planned. there was disco balls that we made. there was balloons everywhere, streamers everywhere. luminaries/pom poms. confetti everywhere. bubbles. little christmas lights outside.
i drank drank drank. me and sarah were conjoined at the head and made fools of ourselves. it is what we do best. :) i dont really think i can act as much as a retard with anyone else.
i danced my heart out to animal collective and yyy's.
i broke a lamp.
i spilled wine.
the cops came.
terrible mess left over. a moderate hangover.
kenneth vacuumed/cleaned everything.
what a little sweetheart.
played basketball with june and her short ass little brother, in which he slaughtered our weak sauce asses. which made me realize i have excellent pain threshold, but i have no body strength. im some healthy malnourished weak vegetarian.
after times like these, i realize im extremely privileged. im very fortunate to have beautiful people surrounding me in my beautiful home.
i forget the darkness of life and become filled with light.
(yes, thats very free love, smoke lots of weed, green hippie shit. so what!)
im happy right now.
all the hard work payed off. keeping my mouth shut was the hardest.
june seemed happy, and that was what we had planned. there was disco balls that we made. there was balloons everywhere, streamers everywhere. luminaries/pom poms. confetti everywhere. bubbles. little christmas lights outside.
i drank drank drank. me and sarah were conjoined at the head and made fools of ourselves. it is what we do best. :) i dont really think i can act as much as a retard with anyone else.
i danced my heart out to animal collective and yyy's.
i broke a lamp.
i spilled wine.
the cops came.
terrible mess left over. a moderate hangover.
kenneth vacuumed/cleaned everything.
what a little sweetheart.
played basketball with june and her short ass little brother, in which he slaughtered our weak sauce asses. which made me realize i have excellent pain threshold, but i have no body strength. im some healthy malnourished weak vegetarian.
after times like these, i realize im extremely privileged. im very fortunate to have beautiful people surrounding me in my beautiful home.
i forget the darkness of life and become filled with light.
(yes, thats very free love, smoke lots of weed, green hippie shit. so what!)
im happy right now.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
losing my religion
im thinking a lot of things over.
im really dissatisfied with a lot of things at the moment.
i dont like the people im around.
i dont like my job.
i dont like where im living.
these things are half true.
i need truthful and fun people.
i need a job that makes me happy.
i need to live somewhere completely new.
time for some serious thinking.
wish for open windows!
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