good day....

took photos of some of the stuff me and june are putting up on etsy. i also plan on getting some prints done so i can possibly start making some extra change. nothing feels better than smoking a bowl, eating my fake chicken and an orange. orange chicken? no. i took a picture of my cat masturbating. its really funny. would it be invading his privacy if i post it? let me figure that out, first. and then i'll post it.

im in some strange slumber that feels like dreaming, and i start sensing whats going to happen. and my eyesight is better but my memory is shit.

you wouldnt believe the things im doing that are so good for me. and you wouldnt believe the things i do from keeping myself from completely falling apart. must i always be this way?
must i always have these feelings?
my mind is fucking with itself.
BLAH.

heres two of my scarves.




heartbroken, i've been for you...

I know your heart can't grieve what your eyes don't see.

But you were my favorite moment, of our dead century.


Dreams- TV on the Radio



You've got me worried and wondering....


worried and wondering...

David was home. <3
We had several domestic disturbias.
We did many illegal things. I made him bleeeed. And he sexually harassed me at least twice.
Toulouse is driving me crazy.
But I'm starting to love my little boy more and more everyday.
June finally has gotten the full effect of 'dem medicinal herbs. Finally! After years of trying.
I've been on a bob marley and the wailers binge. And I really want to jetski my way to jamaica. There is so much heritage and history within jamaica. There's much empowerment within reggae.

Its been a good week.

i dont want to wait in vain for your love...

i dont want to wait in vain.

its your love that im waiting for.
its my love that your running from.

-bob marley and the wailers



i smoke and read in bed and listen to marley sing me my thoughts.






p.s. purrrrrrrrrrrr...... my love child.

On monday me and june decided to go to some vegetarian cafe. (Yes, we're not afraid to be a stereotype of vegetarian earth-loving scarf-knitting liberals.) But before that we managed to lock ourselves out of Tea Stains. So june pulled a mission of breaking into the place because I had just smoked and just wanted to play. I did cart wheels in the sun and grass and tried to make photographs out of june breaking into the place. and was trying to keep Link from stealing the last of my cough drops.
Life felt so simple and easy. I don't know. It felt like my grandma's backyard. So full with fun and insects and fruit.
Then we went to some vegetarian cafe in long beach and I managed to trip out on the cashier. I ate a yummy bagel sandwich and gulped down green/white tea.
And then bought anne of green gables at some vintage shop for a dollar.
Anne of green gables was my first heroine, I think.
She was the amanda palmer of green gables. Some freak weird girl who talks to much about her feelings and looks weird with her carrot hair. And is VERY unlady like.

I've been smoking a fair amount. Its good and bad, I guess. I'm just trying to figure some shit out.
I'm heavy-hearted.
I'm light-headed.
It is just me and my mind, having conversations, arguments, therapy sessions, absences.

P.S.
I can feel your closeness, its scaring me.

so. the past weeks have been extremely tiring and too much.
i have had many crazy nights and then those extremely quiet smoking nights.
i have needed these nights.
i feel miserable in all these beautiful moments.

at work i caught a cough from one of the babies.
and i have been plegm--filled and having mild to severe cough attacks that are actually pretty funny to witness. but not when you're the one who cant breathe and is poppin' cough drops like candy.

school has been a very strange mess of revelations, frustrations and crushes on every other boy in my magic, witchcraft, religion class. including my 60-something teacher.

the dreams continue. but I have learned to block them out. and forget them. until somehow a word someone says during the day, or a song comes on and i realize what i dreamed about..... its only natural that they are primed over.

so i have been sick and extremely tired.
but its non-stopping.
the things i have been doing to get any sort of rise,
are slowly not filling me up anymore.
everything is falling into some sort of routine.
one thing i learned last year up north is that routine will be the death of me.
this order is a shadow in the mirror.
this doesn't make sense, im sure. thats fine though.

i have photos!
anthony came over with lots of medicinal herbs. :)
and i had the four wines me and david stole from his mom.
and good photos came out of that.
The wine was terrible, the weed was good and so were the strawberries.
and i see real art being made out of these two.








i bought a bunch of strawberries off of a woman, carrying her daughter while trying to sell a cart of strawberries. it was a sad image and we drove off but i had to go back and buy some.
so i bought 10 dollars worth of strawberries.
Its scary how bad things are going to get with the economy. It has already hit too close to home.
The deficit is predicted to be in the trillions in the next decade. When the fuck did we get in the trillions???



the lamp over my bed makes beautiful lighting.
i kind of want to start a series of portraits on my bed of people i ask.
all the regular beautiful faces, but i need more subjects.

Everything is so full of fear and sadness mixed with so much potential....

i am sadness sitting quietly at your bedroom door

The woods are waiting patiently for the day they will rule once more.
The blessed herbs will no longer be contained.
Bernie Maddoff will long be gone.
And I will still be missing all the absent moments.
Today, I am waiting to be fired.
Today, I am waiting to get caught.
Today, I am waiting for 5 o'clock to come around.