so. the past weeks have been extremely tiring and too much.
i have had many crazy nights and then those extremely quiet smoking nights.
i have needed these nights.
i feel miserable in all these beautiful moments.

at work i caught a cough from one of the babies.
and i have been plegm--filled and having mild to severe cough attacks that are actually pretty funny to witness. but not when you're the one who cant breathe and is poppin' cough drops like candy.

school has been a very strange mess of revelations, frustrations and crushes on every other boy in my magic, witchcraft, religion class. including my 60-something teacher.

the dreams continue. but I have learned to block them out. and forget them. until somehow a word someone says during the day, or a song comes on and i realize what i dreamed about..... its only natural that they are primed over.

so i have been sick and extremely tired.
but its non-stopping.
the things i have been doing to get any sort of rise,
are slowly not filling me up anymore.
everything is falling into some sort of routine.
one thing i learned last year up north is that routine will be the death of me.
this order is a shadow in the mirror.
this doesn't make sense, im sure. thats fine though.

i have photos!
anthony came over with lots of medicinal herbs. :)
and i had the four wines me and david stole from his mom.
and good photos came out of that.
The wine was terrible, the weed was good and so were the strawberries.
and i see real art being made out of these two.








i bought a bunch of strawberries off of a woman, carrying her daughter while trying to sell a cart of strawberries. it was a sad image and we drove off but i had to go back and buy some.
so i bought 10 dollars worth of strawberries.
Its scary how bad things are going to get with the economy. It has already hit too close to home.
The deficit is predicted to be in the trillions in the next decade. When the fuck did we get in the trillions???



the lamp over my bed makes beautiful lighting.
i kind of want to start a series of portraits on my bed of people i ask.
all the regular beautiful faces, but i need more subjects.

Everything is so full of fear and sadness mixed with so much potential....