we are defined by opportunities. even the ones we miss.

such a strange year it was.

and i leave this year with these lyrics,

i know that it’s true, it’s gonna be a good year
out of the darkness and into the fire
i tell you i love you
and my heart’s in the strangest place
that’s how it started, and that’s how it ends

-the walkmen

the beating of christmas trees

We hope that you choke.

My insomnia is at an all-time high. And I have nightmares when I do sleep.
I dream of the kids at daycare getting terribly sick or hurt. I dream of airplanes landing on schools. I dream of ex-lovers. I dream of going back to high school. I dream of my dad. I dream of you.that's the worst of it.

personal documentation, for myself more than you

fuck.fuck.fuck.

just get out!
GET OUT!!!!

The past two weeks I've been trying to distract myself. Its been working, but still when I go to sleep and wake up, the thoughts come.

Its always been a choice for you. It never was for me.

So this year, I'm going to do exactly what I've stopped myself from doing out of truth. I'm going to fall in love. I'm going to fuck.I'm going to sleep. I'm going to let someone else sleep in my bed with me. I'm going to let gooooo...

I don't want to see it anymore. I don't want to see any of it.from the very first day to now.

"There's no telling how long I'll be here. At least I can't see them."
Love, pialé

i am the key to the lock in your house.

and either way you turn, i'll be there
open up your skull, i'll be there
climbing up the walls...

tonight while walking to the club some lesbian chick said
"here comes my future wife walking by."
hahahaha.
lesbians love me.

tiger's eye forgive you not.
silver rings replace the moon.
you will forget what you have sought.
for your mistakes will not unwound.

yes. be afraid of a latina and her brujeria.

just dance, gonna be okay

i feel like me and david are going through this drama.
so we're being partners in crime.
drinking.dancing.eating.
it all we can do....


here's a little video for you:





off to go dancing and drinking...
im sure i'll blog later drunk.

this is it.

two things.

one.
im finally going to say it because i think its final and true.
I'M MOVING OUT.
me and june are moving into a beautiful pool house.
with a huge bedroom. a chimney. a cute little kitchen.
and a beautiful garden to grow herbs and vegetables.
AHHHHH!!!!!! ive been trying to hold it in.
ive been trying to tell myself it isnt going to happen.
but theres nothing stopping us.
yes i will be poor. but i'll be on my own.

two.
im not going to be your mushroom. fed shit and kept in the dark.
never is a promise.
"it burns. it hurts.
i tumble to the earth.
and as i fall i feel myself relax."

i'm so full on tamales and hot chocolate.
surprisingly, it was not that bad this year.

its gonna be a good year...

without you.