Friday, April 10, 2009

"And all I loved, I loved alone." -Poe

the view from where i'm sitting.
there is some beautiful lighting in my living room at night.



the nightmares continue! no big news. its becoming a habit now.
this time, i panicked at first. but then i just kind of let it happen.
its was terrifying and beautiful and haunting.

to describe it physically,
it feels like some ghost of a past life is clinging onto my bod
y.

perhaps there is some haunting lover from a past life loving me sweetly in my nightmares.
"But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-

And neither the angels in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee."


spring break! that means late nights smoking weed.
with little Toulouse running around, jumping up on the fridge or climbing the chimney.
yes, i have a talented little pussy. ;)
you should come over and smoke with me.


p.s. patience, little shadow....
(the new yeah yeah yeahs cd is full of love sick songs. go listen to it. i am.)

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

i re-read through my blogs from a while back.

im fucking crazy.
i dont know why im like this.
i dont like it.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

what lips my lips have kissed

"What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply;
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands a lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet know its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone;
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more."

Edna St. Vincent Millay

the witch riding my back

so ive been doing some research about these nightmares.

its called sleep paralysis.
and its been related to narcolepsy and insomnia.
my insomnia is starting to affect a lot.
i have these terrible bags under my eyes.
im constantly getting sick.

it has something to do with the temporal lobe. blah blah blah.
its freaking me out, because they make it sound so simple.
when its actually not. its not just science.
i cant explain it.

i dont know. i'll talk to Novotny about it.

here's a photo of a very beautiful man.



p.s. its so sad, i either dream of you or have terrible nightmares.
what will i do?

Saturday, April 04, 2009

radio cure

stephanie-why do you do this to me?what have i done to to you? tell me, what you want me to do?!
stephane-i dont know... maybe touch my hair a little.
stephanie-i cant do that.....why me?!
stephane-because everyone else is boring, because youre di
fferent.... you dont like me, stephanie.


my nightmares are getting worse.

at work, i was having one of them. and i started whimpering and couldnt move but my eyes were open.
and it really freaked out my boss.

i dont know what this means. its really scaring me.

everything about today was great.

amd tonight was hilarious.
i love for nights like these.

photos of the handsome, sexy and talented mr. anthony!







dayyyuuuuummmm.................

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

she's lost control again...

i havent slept in the past 24 hours.
its been surreal and random.

somewhere in all this me and june decided to do some soort of photoshoot and it turned into hundreds of pictures.
I REALLY NEED NEW SUBJECTS....
june is a great model and everything, but i need more!

here's photos.









it cant be.. it cant be.
my mind is playing tricks on me.

:(

give me the words that tell me everything.

with me


now how i remember you...